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Weekly Messages
Saturday, 26 May 2012 08:34

Harsh Words Do Hurt!  Part 1 

By Angela Willingham

May 28, 2012

I saw this picture on Facebook and it caught my attention.  It was a picture of a man yelling at a woman and a fist coming out of his mouth.  It was thought provoking in it's realness.  The night I saw it we were doing a conference call for our ministry and the topic was Answering without Arguing.  This is what I wrote on my facebook page when I posted the picture, but I could not leave it there.  “The truth is that words do hurt and once said they can never be unsaid, so be careful with your words and be careful how you vent. You may feel better but your release may be destroying someone else.”

I kept thinking about the picture and I kept thinking about the impact that verbal abuse has on the individual being abused.  Yes, for the record harsh words repeated over and over again to a person do become abuse if they go unchecked.  Those words can actually take root in the person and beat them down.  Beat them to the point that they are so busy trying to please others and trying to be what people think they should be that they lose themselves.  If you do not have strong self esteem you could end up with no self esteem.  You might even start with high self esteem and it can be eroded over time.


 

We have probably all said some things that we should not have said, things that hurt someone unintentionally or out of anger.  We need to check ourselves and be careful what we say.  Proverbs 18:21:  Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. So before you look at them, you have to look at yourself and work on you. 

I would love to think that the verbal abuser has no idea what they are doing to the other person however, sometimes I believe they do.  We have to stop making excuses for them saying, it’s okay, they didn’t mean it.  The truth is the sometimes the abuser was abused and is just carrying on a learned behavior, and while that is something that needs to be dealt with, no matter how they got to the place they are, they are hurting someone else.  Yes, they need to get help, but what they are doing has to stop.  Verbal abuse is a form of control and manipulation and what it really does is show you just how low the self esteem of the abusive party really is.  When you have to yell and scream at someone else to get your point across or use foul lamguage there is something very wrong.  Many times the abused party will just shrink into his or her shell, because they don’t have the strength to stand up to the one that is doing the abusing.  You just get tired of fighting.

I have had the opportunity to experience this type of abuse first hand.  I have a strong personality and it does not always go along well with the personalities of others, especially those that want to control or always have it their way.  Remember this is life not Burger King and we are all individuals, so you will not always have it your way. 

In all honesty when I was going through this personally, I did not realize what was going on.  Several friends told me it was abuse, but I would never have thought that on my own, until God in His infinite wisdom pulled me away from the situation for a period of time.  During that time I had the opportunity to get some rest and as one of my sisters said “to gain a new perspective”.  The way I was being spoken to was inappropriate and I did not deserve it.  I was a grown woman with a mind of her own and the right to think what I wanted to think and to do what I wanted to do.  I had the right and the obligation to set standards for myself and to stand up for them no matter what anyone else thought.  I had seen other women in like situations, but never would I have ever thought it could or would happen to me.  Then I remembered the prophetic word that had been spoken over my life.  The word said that I would minister, not based on what I read about but based on what I had gone through.  I am not lying when I tell you that I was exhausted.  I did not understand what was going on and then the break came, the time to get away so God could reveal what was really going on.  I would not bow and I would not bend or break so it was causing the enemy to get very upset.  He was afraid of the next thing God had in store for my journey so he unleashed an all out attack against me.  If you are not careful verbal abuse can cause you to lose your mind.  You will begin to believe the lies that are being spoken over you and to you.  Remember that they are lies. 

Scripture Reference:

Proverbs 18:21:

   21 Words kill, words give life;
   they're either poison or fruit—you choose.

 

 

January 30, 2012

Parent and Child-Relationship Challenges!

Last week we started focusing on relationship challenges. I know everyone expected me to start with male female relationships because that is always our greatest challenge after the age of 13 but I didn’t. I started to think about the challenges that can be faced between a parent and a child. I thought about how cute they are when they are born. I thought about how the parents cannot stop looking at the little bundle of joy and telling everybody how cute they are. Pictures being mailed to everybody to show off the new baby, Now with Facebook and E-mail you don’t even have to mail them.

 

January 23, 2012

Relationship Challenges!

Our last session focused on identifying our most important relationship. For some it may have been difficult to identify whom that relationship really should be with and for others it may have been easy. Today we want to talk about the challenges that we experience in our relationships. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think so.

I believe we all experience relationship challenges whether they be with our spouses, friends, family or co-workers. Relationship challenges affect every area of our lives. Some are little and some seem insurmountable. It seems like they come out of nowhere. One day everything is peaceful and calm and the next day it seems like your entire world is caving in, or again maybe that is just me.

 
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