September 25, 2006

Relationships – Communication "Can We Just Talk?"

 

Relationships! Relationships! Relationships!

Why are relationships so difficult? 

Love! Love! Love!
Respect! Respect! Respect!
Communication! Communication! Communication!

Lately it seems like relationships are our greatest challenge. For unknown reasons we have problems at home, at work, school, church, everywhere we go.

We have difficulty communicating with each other. Even with those we love we find ourselves in a struggle. Some say that if we would just learn how to love each other as the bible says in, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 our relationships would be perfect.

Well maybe not. Have you ever loved someone and knew that they loved you, but problems still existed. Have you ever been patient with them and knew they were patient with you, but still there were problems? Have you ever trusted them with your life and still for some reason there seemed to be problems? For some reason it appeared you just couldn’t connect in your communication. If you said black, they said white. If you think everything is okay, they see a problem. If you try to express how you feel about a situation they just can’t seem to hear or understand what you are saying. You seem to be like the people at the Tower of Babel, described in Genesis 11:4-7. You’re all speaking a different language. It’s English, but it’s confused. Your struggle to get the other person to understand is painful. It hurts when your heart is in the right place and no one understands what you are saying. Neither of you is bad, has ill will or ill intent, but it feels like you are being attacked no matter what you do.

In a conversation with my son I learned that women have so much more to say than most men really want to hear because we as women are very verbal. Men have a desire to resolve whatever the issue is and move on.

Let’s try some new communication strategies in our relationships:

  1. Pray-Talk To God First!! Our communication will be better when we ask God into the conversation. Ask Him to teach us how to communicate and what to communicate.
  2. Ladies-What does he really want and need to hear? Could we really give him the skinny version and save our own feelings.
  3. Let the conversation end naturally. We don’t have to have the last word.
  4. Don’t take the other persons desire to hurry to bring the conversation to and end personally. Maybe they are tired.
  5. Find girlfriends that are also verbal and don’t mind listening to you.
  6. LISTEN!!!!!! Don’t insist on making yourself heard or making your point.
  7. Do not attack the other person because your point is not accepted or agreed to.
  8. Avoid making unnecessary comments- also known as “saying to many words”.
  9. Consider the other person’s feelings, not just your own.
  10. Choose your words wisely.
  11. Check your body language.
  12. When your feelings do get hurt, because they may, go to God for comfort, support and encouragement. Remember that it is not about you.

Whatever you do don’t retreat to silence in an attempt to solve your communication problem. Your silence is an attempt to punish or manipulate and does not give God glory or draw you closer together.

Remember that all communication is not done through our lips. We communicate much with our eyes, and body language. Use every part of you to communicate God’s heart through you. A smile should reach your eyes not just your lips.

In the book of James we learn a lot about the tongue and the power it has to lift up or tear down. James 3:7-10: “This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!”

  Weekly Scripture

Proverbs 18:21: 21Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].(A)

Be careful to use your tongue wisely remember there is life and death in the power of the tongue.

For further discussion contact angela@mynewtemple.org or write to us on the message board http://mynewtemple.org/aMessages.html.