June 25 , 2007

Why Is Everything Black or White?

The other day I was talking to a friend and I asked him a question. It was a simple yes or no question. To me that is no big deal, however, it was taking forever for him to answer it. As a matter of fact he kept answering with a non yes or no answer, if that makes any sense to you. Well let me try to explain. I ask if you want to participate in the basketball game and you say, “if you need me too.”

I want to know if you want to participate, I am not trying to determine what I need. Why do I press the issue and require a yes or no answer, because if you don’t want to play I will get someone else. Don’t do it to please me. His response to me or I should say his question was, “Why does everything with you, have to be black or white?” I found that to be an interesting question. Most of us live our lives in shades of gray.

What do I mean by that? We live with unclear answers, indecisive, vague words. This is a problem because it leads people to believe whatever they want to believe. When I get the wrong thought you have an out, because I had to make some assumptions about what you were really saying. You never said I want to play, you said I can or I will. The real question was do you want too. My son once told me that many times people keep things gray or vague because it keeps them from having to make a commitment or decision.

Over the last few years I have seen this played out in my life. It is easier to say nothing than to be open. Being vague, you will never be accused of being dishonest maybe you are just not open. You give the answer the person wants to hear or you keep it non-committal.

Well the question that was posed to me, was, why is everything black or white with you? I want to be clear when I leave a situation or conversation what the answer or direction was. I have made the mistake of drawing conclusions in situations and conversations based on vague, gray answers and responses. If any of you have experienced it you know that it can be very hurtful, when the person comes back to say you misunderstood, that is not what I meant, we just don’t understand each other, etc. They are correct they never said anything, so I have learned to ask additional questions. I have learned to press it until I get a black or white answer.

For the individual that is being intentionally vague or unclear, because they do not want to make a commitment to anything this is a difficult situation to be placed in, but to the one that has no problem saying what they mean, it does not take all of that. They will respond quickly with a yes or no.

Why should we be black or white? In Matthew 5:37, the bible says,
37Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. In the Message Version of the bible it goes on to say, Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong. Sometimes our vagueness is intentional because it can string someone along. Keep their attention, when if we were truly open about the entire situation we would put the other person in the place to make some choices of their own.

One of my brothers in the Lord advised me that sometimes we do this because we are trying to have our cake and eat it too. He told me that men are really bad about this. We want to keep our options open. Just in case I want to do it the door is open and if I choose not to I can say, I did not say I wanted to, I said I would. In Revelation 3:16 the bible says, 16 But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! When something is lukewarm it is gray. It is neither black nor white. I need it to be black or white, because I do not like anything lukewarm and neither does God. Do you?

When you or I decide to make things black or white, we decide to take a position. We choose a side, whether it is right or wrong, we are committing to something. We decide to stand up for something. When we decide to be gray, we decide to make no choice, to stand up for nothing and to keep our options open. Straddle the fence or as my brother said, we decide to have our cake and eat it too.

I have decided and I pray that you do also to stand up for something, because it has been said that if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. Life is about choices and commitments. If we choose not to make them we in essence choose to stand still and not to move in any direction putting our lives and the lives of those around us in a holding pattern. When you stand still life passes you by. In essence you choose not to commit. The purpose and promise of God pass you by, because you are held in position by fear of losing something, whatever that is to you.

In the end you lose everything. The most important thing that you lose is your relationship with God, as the Word of God says, He would rather you be hot or cold, He hates anything lukewarm or gray. Anything that is gray, vague, unclear or indecisive can’t be trusted, because it will move in the direction of the wind. It wanders.

Be cold or hot/black or white. Stand for something.

To my friend that asked this question of me personally. The call on my life and yours is too great to settle for gray. Make a commitment and stand for what God said, whatever that is and however, it looks. It may cost the other options, but it will be well worth it in the end. Live on purpose with a purpose.

  Weekly Scripture:

Revelation 3:16:
16But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!

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